Saturday, 24 July 2010

Proof that God has a sense of humour.

Over the years I have heard many people say that God no longer has a sense of humour, which is why the world is turning to shit.  I agree that the world is indeed turning into the worst pile of caca, however I also have irrefutable proof that God does have a sense of humour. Here it is:

My Dad is 6ft 2, he is a BIG guy (weight wise), he has curly blond hair and pale skin, not as pale as mine admittedly, but still pale.

My Mum in comparison is TINY, she is 5ft 3, skinny as a Racing Snake, she has long straight brunette hair, and gorgeous, olive tanned skin.

I have ONE sibling - a brother, who to add insult to injury is just over 7 years younger than me, but despite everything we are both an equal mix of both our parents. However, the DNA wasn't exactly distributed evenly lol:

One of us is 6ft 2, skinny as a Racing Snake, has blond STRAIGHT hair and looks like a bronzed Greek God.....................
And the other is just 5ft 4 and a little curvy, with extremely pale skin (thanks to a sunlight allergy) and long curly brunette hair that (very) often likes to do its own thing.

Guess which one I am? Lol.

There is a chance I was lied to: Perhaps I wasn't born in the local hospital as I have often been told, but instead was born in the DeVito/Shwarzenegger Institute For Genetic fecking Research!!

So there you have it: God DOES have a sense of humour, and it is EVIL!!! Lol.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

Following my own damn site!!?????

I cannot believe that I have had to become a follower of my own bloody, site just to send a message to one of the people who are following me! How mental is that??? Did anyone else have to do this or have I had a "Blonde Moment" and fouled up again? Admittedly it is probably the latter lol.

Thursday, 15 July 2010

Love in Horror Movies

I have so many Dvd's in my collection that I have to keep them in different "CD Wallet" type folders now, as I dont have the space to keep them all in their respective boxes. Every so often I run out of space in the folders and I am forced to re-organise and buy new folders for each subject, well this time it was the turn of my massive Horror folder, and it was a mammoth undertaking to say the least. In my horror folder the films are split into different subjects: "Religious Horror", "Supernatural Horror", "Haunted People", "Haunted Places", "Vampyre Movies", "Gothic Horror", "Slashers" "Creature Movies", "H.P Lovecraft Movies", "Clive Barker Movies" etc to name a few. In the end I decided that I would put all of my "Vampyre" and "Gothic Horror" Dvd's in a seperate folder, because along with "Supernatural" (ghosty type) horror these are the types of films that I have the most of. Or so I thought.  As I was sorting through and re-organising I began to realise that whilst I still have more "Supernatural" and Vampyre movies than any other type, still over the years I have collected quite a few films that at first glance could loosely be described as being the type where women are put in precarious life endangering situations, but somehow manage to survive against the odds. But then I noticed another, more subtle theme running through them all.  Below is a list of the films that I am talking about, see if you can tell what theme I am talking about:-

1) "Vacancy" Starring Kate Beckinsale and "the other" Wilson brother (i.e. NOT Owen - Sorry - his name escapes me for the moment)
2) "Last House on the Left" (2009)
3) "Eden Lake"
4) "Martyrs"
5) "Switchblade Romance"
6) "Mutants"
7) "Hide and Seek"
8) "Carrie"
9) "The Strangers"
10) "The Uninvited"
11) "Orphan"
12) "The Abducted"
13) "Misery"
14) "The Dark Half"
15) "The Bone Collector"
16 "The Descent" (Parts 1 and 2)

Here is what I saw:
1) "Vacancy" is about a married couple, who are experiencing problems within their marriage that will most likely lead to divorce, but after facing extreme adversity together they are reminded of their love for each other.
2) "Last House on the Left" is about a family, who love each other very much and are very close, but after their daughter is raped and left for dead, the parents are forced to do something that neither would even consider doing under "normal" circumstances.
3) "Eden Lake" is about a couple who love each other and who decide to go away for a weekend to a lake in the country, but when they get there they are hounded and harrassed  by a gang of local kids, who end up killing the boyfriend and chasing the woman through the woods. The woman has the option of leaving her boyfriend early in the film to go and get help, but loves him so much that she cannot bear to leave him with the group of kids.
4) "Martyrs" the first of my "Modern French Horror" films, is about two young girls who are in love with each other, the first having been abducted and held captive when she was young.  They set out to find the people who kept the first girl captive and when they do - they kill them.  However during the killing, the girlfriend of the abducted girl is captured and kept prisoner by an organisation that is trying to produce a modern-day "martyr", and they succeed in turning her into one.  An experience which ultimately she survives, but the founder of the secret organisation does not.
5) "Switchblade Romance" another "Modern French Horror" is about Marie and Alex, two students who go and stay at a remote famhouse owned by Alex's parents.  Whilst staying there Marie is woken by a noise from downstairs which turns out to be a murderer, who is gradually working his way through Alex 's family. Marie (who is seemingly in love with Alex) grabs Alex and the two attempt an escape in their car, but are promptly chased through the french countryside by the murderer in his van. Blood , guts and general mayhem ensues, with a rather unusual twist at the end of the film.
6) "Mutants" is the last of my "Modern French Horror" movies, and is about an Ambulance Driver and his paramedic girlfriend, who are trying to get across the french countryside which, (due to a virus) is now infested by zombie cannibals. The Ambulance Driver gets injured and his girlfriend loves him so much that she risks life and limb to get him to the nearest hospital.  She survives in the end but he does not.
7) "Hide and Seek" is about a little girl who has witnessed the suicide of her mother, she then invents an imaginary friend named "Charlie" and is then moved by her psychologist father to Upstate New York for a new start.  Throughout the course of the film the daughter's love for her father is very evident, but is marred somewhat by strange goings on and eventually murders which have been perpetrated by "Charlie" the imaginary friend, however it is obvious that the little girl is hiding a secret.  Eventually "Charlie" turns on the girl and tries to kill her.  By the end of the movie it becomes obvious that "Charlie" is actually the girls father who has suffered a psychological break after the suicide of his wife, but has no recollection of his actions, and that the little girl has known that it was her father all along. He eventually is killed but she survives.
8) "Carrie" is about a girl with psychic powers but who also has a loony christian mother. Carrie loves her mother, and in some way her mother also loves her, but her mother loves god more than she loves her daughter, and ultimately her distance from her daughter is one of the deciding factors contributing to the end of the movie.
9) "The Strangers" Starring the delectable Liv Tyler is about a couple who are in love but are experiencing commitment problems and are on the point of splitting up. They are then hounded by three unknown assailants whilst they are staying at a remote cabin owned by the boyfriends parents and throughout their terrible experience they discover they are better together than apart.
10) "The Uninvited" is a bit of an unusual one, it is about a girl who has witnessed the traumatic death of her Mother and who has returned to the family home, after a stint in an asylum, to discover that her beloved father is marrying her mothers nurse. Throughout the film she relys heavily on her elder sister as it seems to her that her father's love is being given now to his fiancee instead of her.  There is also a nice little twist at the end of this one.
11) "Orphan" Is ostensibly about an orphaned little girl who goes to live with a new family, craving their love, almost to the point of obsession. Soon things start to go very very wrong. People start to get hurt, or worse whenever the "orphan" feels that they are getting in the way of her new parents love and affection for her. Again a really nice little twist at the end of this one also.
12) "The Abducted" Is about a guy who abducts a woman having followed her around for weeks, becoming more and more obsessed with her.
13) "Misery" Starring the fabulous Kathy Bates, is about a woman who is the "No 1 fan" of an american author who is then injured in a car crash in the snow near to her house. She takes the author in and begins to nurse him back to health, but pretty soon it becomes obvious that she is completely obsessed with him, eventually using drugs to hold him captive so that he can re-write his last novel just for her. It can only end badly!
14) "The Dark Half" Another Stephen King outing - this time about a guy who is a horror writer. This guy is a family man, with a wife who loves him very much, but unfortunately his fictional alter-ego begins to take over. Murder and madness duly ensue, but it is only the love that he has for his wife, and vice versa, that saves him.
15) "The Bone Collector" Starring Angelina Jolie and Denzel Washington, is about a forensic cop, paralysed and bed-bound and his female assistant who through her love for him and his work eventually finds a killer, following Denzel's instructions over a headset.
16) "The Descent (Parts 1 + 2)" is about a group of woman pot-holers most of whom are friends and who have known each other previously. However two of the main characters have a little issue with each other in that one has had an affair with the other's boyfriend. The film centres around how their rivalry eventually leads to them all being stranded in a cave which is inhabited by something dreadful and deadly lurking in the dark. Only one woman survives long enough to escape completely, and the second film is about her having to return to the cave system to look for any survivors.

I think that you can argue that obsession is a form of love.  The obsessed person is in love with who they think the object of their affection is, whether they are correct about that or not, and also they are in love with the idea of being in love with that person.

So more than anything else these films are about love and obsession, and how both things can force a person (or persons) into a life threatening situation, but equally love is also what saves them in the end.

There you have it, you can even find Love and Obsession in horror movies - Who Knew? lol.

And the alternative is.......Body Farms

Right, touchy subject I know - but bear with me.

I was thinking about what will happen when I die - just my previously mentioned "gothic tendencies" shining through again, so dont panic (mum)....(lols pmsl).

Anyway - my imagination took flight, no surprises there, and I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted a ceremony (funeral) or a headstone, or what would be on my epitaph etc. I suddenly realised just how egotistical and downright selfish I was being.  When you think about it a funeral or a gravesite are really only for the people who have been left behind, a way to help them with the grieving process, so really they are the people who should plan my funeral and decide what is on my headstone, not me. But then I got to thinking what if there was a better way to help them than that? An alternative to a funeral and a grave that would mean so much more to them and be a better epitaph to who I have been in life?
So I decided that these were my options:

1) CREMATION - Too much ick when Tiddles knocks the urn all over the front room carpet, also I dont want my loved ones last abiding memory of me to be that I refused to budge out of a shag (pile) lol. Unless of course its for the proper (filthy) reason, which could well be true, however that is a topic for a different kind of blog entirely.

2) Being shot into Space - If there is ANYTHING that screams "Look at me!! Look at what an INDIVIDUAL I am!!" THAT has got to be it - exactly how egomaniacal do you have to be to opt for this one? Also it is fantastically hard to get someone shot into space (dead or otherwise) and even more expensive.  So, faced with the prospect of months of red tape and years of debt, Mk1 offspring will undoubtedly bury me regardless, and I cant say I blame him - I would do the same.

3) Leaving my body to Medical Science - There are a couple of problems with that. Firstly I happen to think that "medical science" has experimented enough on my body whilst I am still alive. Secondly, well there are some very strange people out there, and truthfully I wont care what actually happens to my body after I am dead, but still I will be damned if I am going to give some spotty, furtive little pervert the satisfaction. I wouldnt do it while I am alive so why should I do it after I am dead?

This then left me with the fourth and final option:

BODY FARM.  This is where I get a little more serious.

I was researching what body - farms actually do. Apparently they put the bodies that have been donated to them in different murder situations. So for instance, one body might be left out in the field to rot in open air, another might be set on fire and put in a dumpster, another may be buried in a shallow grave etc. They do this so that they can work out how long that body has to be in that situation before it goes through the various stages of decomposition. This then helps people like the Police, or Forensic Scientists work out how long a body has been left at a homicide scene, and this in turn helps them to find the killer.

I Love that. I love the idea that maybe my death would be able to help the family of a murder victim. That I could continue to assist humanity in some way, even after I have died.  I think this would be a better epitaph to who I am, and what I have stood for in life, than a 6 foot patch of earth and a couple of lines knocked into a block of granite. I think that most people would be a little too "grossed out" at the thought of being left in a field etc, but the point is this: I am only going to be left to molder in a grave, or be burned in cremation anyway, so why not molder in a field or be burned in a dumpster instead and be able to help someone as well?

Just a thought.