Tuesday, 20 April 2010

New Heartagram.com Blog

Hi all just to let you know that I have started a new blog over on http://www.heartagram.com/, which is the foremost HIM site.  At the moment all I have done is post a few things that I have already posted on here, but I will include some new posts there as and when (actually 'if') I get the time so please do check it out if you have the time. I am listed under Sami-Jane in the "Fan Blogs" section.  Hope to see you all there.

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Prose: Polidori's Fri(end).

Victorian canvases are
Sewn into my mind,
Today, as every day, you
Are tattooed on every one.

I draw near to reach
Out to Only You,
But your Cheshire Smile
Fades into the mist.

All that is left behind are the
Eyes on Your Pretty Face....
Haunting my present,
Taunting my future.

Time is of the essence,
But you cannot see it,
It is coasting in on empty
But you cannot feel it.

You are as a ghost to me,
Insubstantial outside of the canvases,
And yet I am tempted by
Our future Existential.

In the South, our eyes locked through a song,
And I was instantly Scared to Death
Of a future existence
Here Without You.

Dangerous Glitter invades my mind
And I am sustained by dreams
Of  Rat Salad,
So climb my tower and Join Me.

Polidori's Fri(end), Canto 1, Verse 1, Line 1,
The beginning: Breathe it in and speak it out for me.
Then hear my heart's excesses, confusion and Hope
Singing back to you across the Void.

Copyright by Sami-Jane Harris. 2010. All rights reserved.

Petrus T Ratajczyk R.I.P

Bloody Kisses (a death in the family).

Today is a very "black" day indeed. I was feeling a little blue anyway and now I have just found out that Petrus, aka Peter Steele, the lead singer, bassist, main composer and more than enigmatically influential frontman of Type O Negative has died of heart failure aged only 48.  He once said "Everything Dies" and it would seem that he was right. I have said on here before that I think he was one of the bravest men alive, even if only for somehow staying alive in a world that he was so often completely at odds with, and even tried to leave on a couple of occasions.  The cause of his heart failure has yet to be released at the time of writing this, but I think it would be naive to think that it may not at least have had something to do with his well documented and various efforts at "self medicating" in order to escape the devestating effects of the world around us.

I can only hope and pray that my other idols will heed the final warning that Peter has left by way of his untimely death, because as a fan it is a desperate thing to watch people that you love and respect so much go through these things, especially when you have to witness it knowing that there is nothing you can do to help them. You feel so hopeless, so ineffectual, useless even. You want to help them so much in the same way that they have helped you over the years, but instead you have to sit back and watch them die. Everytime you hope against hope that it will be the last, knowing deep in your heart that it probably wont be, and that knowledge is black and suffocating, and now this dreadful thing has happened once again. I suppose it would be easier to walk away, to not care anymore. I can only speak personally here, but I find not caring is an impossible thing to do, because when somebody's music in particular has reached you in ways which even friends well meaning words cannot, it is impossible not to care about the person who has broken through your barriers and touched your soul.

I am not going to wax lyrical about Peter's phenomenal song writing capabilities, or even on what kind of man I thought he was, there are plenty of professional journalists out there who will be clamouring I suspect to do such a thing. Perhaps then you will permit me to tell you how his music affected me and how I now feel; Today I feel a little bit more alone in this world than yesterday, Peter is dead and along with him has died a voice of reason, strength and comfort. I did not know Peter personally but I did know his songs, his lyrics, and I find that I am incapable of understanding why people like Peter have to leave us, while other, truly digusting individuals remain here.  Maybe this is Hell afterall? Or at least a taste of it.  Before I was introduced to HIM, Type 'O' were always one of the few groups that I have turned to when the world gets too crazy to handle, when I need an injection of clarity and more importantly sanity. Rarely now, but still sometimes I sit on the bus, or more often in the park, surrounded by bright lights and loud, bright people and suddenly I need sanctuary. So I do what I have always done, reach for my MP3 (or back in the day my "Walkman") and search for HIM latterly, but before them it has always been The Damned, The Cult, Sisters of Mercy and "Type O Negative", I find "Everything Dies" or "Anasthesia" or "Bloody Kisses (a death in the family)", press play and breath a sigh of relief as the flourescent world just melts away, if only for a few minutes. Doing this has saved my sanity more than once. I just tried to listen to Bloody Kisses and promptly burst into tears, I hope I dont do that in public. I fell in love with Peter's humour, the way that he would poke fun at what he (and we) saw in the world, it was a method of songwriting that I appreciated more and more as the years rolled by, as I got older, and as I began to realise that life is not the dreamland that we are promised as children by well meaning parents, and so it is inconceivable, even frightening that we will no longer hear any new musical insights and comforts from this amazing man.  I'm not sure that I understand what God was thinking on this one as it seems to me that what the world needs right now are more men like Peter, not less of them. My thoughts and heartfelt wishes are with his family, friends and all the fans around the world who are affected by this awful news.  From my heart I hope and pray that you are finally at peace Peter, and that you now truly understand all that you meant to us.  I hope that we can at least give you that by way of some kind of thanks for everything you did, and everything your songs will continue to do.  I have always tried to see something good in situations like this, and so in the days and weeks to come I will try to hold on to this one thing: "Everyone (We) Love Is Dead", but your songs are immortal, they will go on speaking when for reasons known only to yourself at the moment, you could not. x

Please check out my video bar at the bottom of this page to see a few Type O Negative videos. Just settle over the bar and wait for Type O's videos to come around (there are quite a few different artists on there so you might have to wait a little while but I promise you it is worth it.)



Copyright by Sami-Jane Harris. 2010. All rights reserved